The balance...

between the magic and the meaning...wow...this is interesting. I got this from a newsletter I receive from Libby Gill a personal coach, lecturer and author of the bestselling book "Traveling Hopefully."

"Finding the balance between the magic and the meaning. How do we do that? It is a tricky paradox to fall head-over-heels and keep our feet on the ground at the same time, but that is what we - myself included, need to learn to do. Head-over-heels so that we don’t let our own fear of pain thwart us from exploring what could be real love, full of possibility. And feet-on-the-ground so that we don’t throw ourselves head-long into love without taking the time to explore what needs to be mended or healed in ourselves before we are fully present for someone else."

Is this why my relationships keep failing? Do I need to be mended more than I thought I did? Am I not healed? Am I just going through the motions? Yes to all of these. I have finally had the realization that I am not healed, I am not mended. How long does it take to get over physical abuse, betrayal, infidelity, fear of your partner? I will tell you how long...It will take as long as it takes. But what is worse than one year is one year and one day. It has been three years and I am still haunted by my past. Still haunted so much that I bring it into each new relationship and somehow I keep them at arms length...can't get too close. If I don't let them get too close then they can't bring down that wall that thickens with each failure.

So I retreat..somehow I retreat every time. I blame it on them and I go back to my safe cocoon. No one can hurt me here. I am alone. I hate being alone, but somehow I make sure I end up that way due to the fear...

The balance between the magic and the meaning...instead of retreating I guess I need to attack this from another angle..but safe in my cocoon where no one can hurt me.